Söylenmemiş Sözler

Söylenmemiş Sözler


"Sana söylemek isteyip de söyleyemediğim o kadar çok şey var ki; bunları anlatmaya kalksam nereden başlayacağımı bilemem.”

Söylenmemiş Sözler roman kahramanının bu sözleriyle başlıyor. Hırslı ve başarılı bir reklamcı olan Sezgin bir sabah işe giderken kendisini yıllar önce terk eden ilk gözağrısı Meltem'e rastlar. Aradan uzun yıllar geçmesine ve mutlu bir evlilik sürdürmesine rağmen onu unutamamıştır. Bu beklenmedik karşılaşmayı izleyen günlerde karşı koyamadığı bir istekle Meltem'i uzaktan uzağa takip etmeye başlar. Bir süre sonra onun karşısına çıkma cesareti gösterir. Meltem de ona hiç ummadığı bir yakınlık gösterir ve Sezgin tanışmalarından itibaren içinde kalanları açığa dökmeye başlar. Bir yandan yeni yetmelik dönemlerinden itibaren yaşadıklarını gözden geçirirken bir yandan da anıların da önemli bir yer edinen kadını yeniden tanıyacak, ne var ki karşısında bambaşka birini bulacaktır...

Sepya Yayınevi
Ağustos 2009
192 Sayfa


Chapter 1

By Ramis Çınar; English Translation by Mesut Şenol

“There are so many things that I wanted to tell you but I could not do it. Should I begin telling you what I would like to share with you, it would be hard for me know where to start.” I muttered these words in such a low voice that nobody could have heard a word. Since I did not produce powerful enough voice; Meltem passed by me without noticing me even though she was so close to me as if I could touch her while walking beside me. I was dumbfounded in my corner since I run into her in an unexpected moment and place. As I was having second thoughts between whether I should go ahead to follow my own path or to go after Meltem, my old habit was revived and I was driven by an irresistible desire to follow that woman who is in my memories and now moving away from me, and I just went after her.

While I was in an excited and curious state and walking on the pavement with restless steps through the crowd with no idea about me and what I have been thinking, suddenly it seemed to be a dejavu situation for me. I was aware that this feeling was nothing more than an illusion anyway. The reason for that was not because I had gone through the similar event before but the feelings I had when I first met with Meltem have been still alive despite the time passed since. As I was being in confusion because of the strong feelings for which I was in a belief that they were cooled were now ablaze again on the one hand, and I was trying to remember when I saw Meltem last time. Ten years were passed since that summer when I completed my military service and started a working life. I could not help but to think involuntarily whether Meltem, who was far away from me and in a new life, was changed at all. At the first glance one could notice that Meltem once with her beauty and attractiveness to me and many young people around her was amazingly resistant to the wearing effect of time. I though was quite different in my facial expression and behavior than my old state. The same was true for my personality, values and philosophy of life. Nevertheless my feelings I was having for my ex-lover were not changed.

It was a love at first sight with Meltem when I met her in my high school years, and then as an idealist and naive young person, I was dreaming to have phenomenal accomplishments in the future. On the days I was very much in love with her, and with my passionate desire to see her and know about her, I had followed her after the school and found out where she lived. I knew that now as I was informed about the place she was frequenting. This was something I was practicing the same method as an adult without a shame and indecisiveness. I was dead sure that my lover was taking to the roads in very elegant dresses so that she was going to her work place. However I had many questions in my head. I was trying to have my educated guess about what kind of things were involved in her life before this incidental encounter between us. Long ago, through a common friend I had found out that she was studying in Istanbul. Still living here was a sign that after her graduation from the university she was leading her life in this city. But I have no idea about what kind of life she built for herself. I did not know whether she was married or not. The only thing I was sure about was that I would not be in peace unless I gather more information about Meltem. I was pretty much sure that nothing would be hindering this sudden interest in me.